


no explanations.

by Ablissa



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Romance, Secrets, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-08 09:54:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16427150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ablissa/pseuds/Ablissa
Summary: It's rare for them to have a dinner date, even more so on Valentine's Day, but Phil really wanted to give it a shot. It's not so easy to enjoy it, though. Not when it feels like every pair of eyes in the room is watching them.Phil knows that Dan will post the photo a few hours later, and he knows that tomorrow, there will be a debate as to where they went, what they ate, what they did. People will find the restaurant based on the dishes or the plates. They will put two and two together.But there will be no confirmation. Not yet. Notnow.___for thephandom fic fests bingo, prompts: valentine's day, jealousy, willpower





	no explanations.

 

"Why are there so many people here?"

Phil sighs, shooting Dan a nervous look. Yeah, this was _not_ his best idea.

"The fact that it's Valentine's Day _might_ have something to do with it," Phil replies, trying to sound at ease. He is not quite ready to admit defeat yet, at least not to Dan.

"I swear, _people_. Like they can't go out for dinner any other day of the week."

Phil doesn't comment on the hypocrisy of what Dan is saying. After all, Phil is the one that dragged them outside, thinking it might be a good idea to have dinner on Valentine's Day. They rarely make a thing of it, and it feels like they should, at least sometimes.

 

It's a fancy place, an expensive place. The lights are dim, the furniture is shiny and stylish, the waiters are polite and speak quietly. The meal sizes are extremely small, but everything looks pretty, and the alcohol is better than in most restaurants.

Also, it's a bit too fancy for them to run into their subscribers. You need reservations, and even then, getting a table on Valentine's Day was not only very hard to achieve, it was also _very_ pricey. Despite that, Phil stays alert, glancing at the other tables and making sure nobody is looking at them.

With another sigh, he refocuses on Dan, who is currently studying the menu.

 

They both made an effort today. Nine years in, Phil thinks it's important to keep the spark alive.

Do they really need overpriced dinners for that? On second thought, probably not.

Anyway, yeah, they both made an effort. Dan is wearing an amazing black shirt with a suit jacket on top of it; Phil is matching with a white shirt and a black suit jacket worn over dark jeans. If they run into anyone on the way back, Phil knows there will be comments on the internet. There always are.

No, _stop_. This night is for them and them alone.

 

"I like that shirt on you," Phil says. Dan looks up at him then, meeting his eyes with a small smile.

"It would look better on you." Dan pauses, muling over his next words. "I'm sorry if I'm—I dunno, cranky? I just... I keep thinking someone's going to see us."

This is the third sigh for Phil in the last five minutes, but of them all, this is the heaviest. Of course they're both thinking of the same thing. Of course they'd be better off spending Valentine's Day at home.

Dan raises his brows and purses his lips, which tells Phil that his own expression must be giving him away.

"Hey," Dan prompts when Phil doesn't respond right away. "I love it, really. This place is great."

"But we should've stayed home," Phil says out loud what they both must be thinking.

"We stay home _every day_."

"I'm sorry, Dan. We can leave if you want."

Phil hates that Dan has to check if no one's watching before reaching for Phil's hand. Dan covers it with his own, stroking it lightly with his thumb.

"We're not leaving, okay? We deserve this, Phil. We never do anything for Valentine's."

"It's risky though," Phil replies with a pointed glance at their hands. Dan doesn't let go.

"It's not _too_ risky, really. Besides, _fuck it_." Dan waits him out until Phil meets his eyes, then holds his gaze long enough for Phil to give in and smile. "I reckon we need some wine."

 

*

 

"Why can't we do this more often?"

Alcohol is buzzing in Phil's veins. They haven't had much, but it was on an empty stomach, and the whole night feels intoxicating.

An hour into dinner, he finally starts to feel somewhat free.

If someone was to spot them, they already would have been asked for a photo. And Phil made a point to make their reservations at a late hour, so it's not likely that someone will come in now.

Of course, there is always a _chance_ , and that is his response to Dan's question.

"The more often we do it, the higher the chance someone will approach us," Phil answers, taking another sip of his colourful drink.

"It's kinda nice, though," Dan retorts.

"What is?"

"Them jumping to conclusions."

Phil's eyes widen in surprise. "Is it?"

They are currently waiting for their main course. People around them are all focused on themselves – mostly couples, of course. No surprise on a night like this.

"Well, yeah. I mean, they're not _wrong_."

"No, but it's one thing if they take a sentence or two out of context," Phil muses. "It's different if they have like, actual proof of us having a date night on Valentine's Day."

Dan snorts. "Phil. They have _so much more_ than that."

Phil's lips stretch into a smirk that Dan is quick to return.

"I guess that's the point, though, right? It's what we wanted."

"Yeah."

Phil doesn't even realise how obvious they are in the way they lean over the table until their waiter appears. They need to move aside. They receive their main course, order another drink each, and prepare to eat.

"Hold on," Dan says just as Phil is about to dig in. "Let's take a picture for instagram."

"For tomorrow?" Phil asks, surprised. Posting this today would go against what they are trying to avoid. It would _prove_ things.

"For today, for later. When we're home," Dan clarifies. He pushes their plates together, angles his phone just the right way, and takes a photo.

"But then they'll think—"

"Little clues, Phil. Like we agreed, yeah?"

 _Little clues indeed_ , Phil thinks, shaking his head with a grin.

It's a slow process, all this. He remembers when they first came up with the idea – when they got tired of denial, and wanted to find a way out.

It takes so much willpower to not just stand up and shout it out loud. From the rooftops, for dramatic effect. And for anonymity.

Phil knows that Dan will post the photo a few hours later, and he knows that tomorrow, there will be a debate as to where they went, what they ate, what they did. People will find the restaurant based on the dishes or the plates. They will put two and two together.

But there will be no confirmation. Not yet. Not _now_.

"Little clues," Phil agrees, finally sampling his meal. "Mmm."

"Gimme a bite. Yours looks way better," Dan demands, wincing at his own plate. Ridiculous portion size, ridiculous price. And it does look quite inedible.

 

Careless by now, Phil feeds it to Dan instead of just handing him the plate.

And Dan is smiling.

 

*

 

"I'm jealous of them."

Phil frowns, unsure of what Dan is referring to. Dan tilts his head slightly, indicating that Phil should look to the side.

He does. It's not as subtle as it should be.

 

At one of the tables, he sees a couple. Their chairs are pushed together, and the woman is practically in the man's lap. They are snogging, not a care in the world, their table empty aside from a bottle of champagne.

Phil's pulse quickens, mind racing with conflicting thoughts.

"Jealous?" Phil echoes, turning back to Dan.

"Why is it alright for _them_ to do this shit in public, and you and I can't even like... I don't know, hold hands?" There is a bitterness in Dan's voice that wasn't there before. There is also a certain slowness in the way he speaks; a sign that they're both a little tipsier than Phil might think right now.

"Would you really want to do _that_?" Phil asks, pulling a face.

"Nine years ago, fuck yes I did."

This hurts, in a way, but Phil does know better. He knows what Dan means.

Nine years ago, they were different people, with a different set of boundaries. They changed, as did the world around them. Their world changed most of all.

"We did a few times," he reminds Dan. A surge of heat rushes to his cheeks at the memory of the times when they were, first and foremost, two young people in love. Not Dan and Phil, the entertainers. Just Phil and Dan, the two guys that met on the internet and fell for each other.

"Never this openly," Dan retorts at first, only to nod a few seconds later. "I mean, yeah, they're quite _gross_. But you know, just knowing that we can't—"

"Yeah... I know."

"I envy them, because even if someone takes a picture, they'll just be two random people, y'know? They'll end up on reddit and get laughed at, they won't have to explain themselves to anyone."

Phil purses his lips, trying not to chuckle. Dan notices it right away.

"What?" Dan sputters, already on the verge of laughter.

"Bit of a first world problem I think, that."

They both laugh quietly, because Phil is right, but he is also wrong. There are worse problems to have, but this is still a problem that they face every day. The lack of border between their world and the rest of the world. The way these two worlds can’t fully merge, can never become one.

 

Underneath the table, Dan kicks Phil in the ankle, but before Phil gets to tell him off, he is stopped by the mischievous grin that appears on Dan's face.

And then suddenly, Dan's foot is sliding up Phil's shin, then touching his mostly bare ankle. Phil swallows thickly, never once looking away from Dan. The heat that was previously in his cheeks begins to pool somewhere else entirely, but it also keeps a strong hold on Phil's chest.

He wants to glance around the room, make sure no one is watching.

But he doesn't. Dan's eyes are too mesmerizing tonight.

 

*

 

"There we go. Posted it."

Phil kicks off his shoes, tosses his shirt on the floor, then eventually strips down completely before joining Dan in bed. Dan shoots him a disapproving look, but doesn't comment on the mess this time. Maybe because it's Valentine's Day, or maybe because he's already got other things on his mind.

"We did well today," Phil says, immediately reaching for Dan, pulling him by the waist.

" _You_ did well. It was your idea."

"And you made it better," Phil argues, grinning into the kiss that started somewhere in between one word and the next.

"Next year, let's do this again," Dan whispers into his mouth. "Proper selfie. Romantic dinner. No explanations."

Dan's skin is smooth and familiar, the taste of him more intoxicating than the fancy drinks Phil drank tonight.

 

Phil doesn't really feel like talking anymore. They have their plan, they're working on it. There isn't much else to add now.

"No, you're right. No explanations. Just us."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! It was very last minute, so no beta reader - all mistakes are 100% my own :)  
> Thank you to [thelesterhowells](http://thelesterhowells.tumblr.com) for pointing me in the right direction!  
> Please let me know if you enjoyed this, and [reblog it on tumblr](http://phanbliss.tumblr.com/post/179485487155/no-explanations) if you find it worthy!


End file.
